I’ve not written to the blog for while,
or done any work on it. The last month has been up and down, the
beginning was very low health wise and I’ve found that when I
crash I really do crash. A charming after effect of the chemo! Last
checkup yesterday was okish. The word I think were ‘… normal’.
I can’t remember the qualifier that the doctor used, but it was a
qualifier. The CAT scan and chest xray are clear, but the tumor
markers are not quite so. Still within the normal range, but one is
going up and at the current reate will be abnormal by next test.

Effort now is to get that blood market down so tommorow we are
moving into a detox diet and see if we can kick the immune system
into fighting it.

Work is trucking along and I’m flat out with stuff thats actually
rather interesting! I’m almost busy!!

1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unscrew you.
2. You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing.
3. Well this day was a total waste of makeup.
4. Don’t bother me, I’m living happily ever after.
5. Do I look like a people person?
6. This isn’t an office. It’s hell with fluorescent lighting.
7. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
8. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
9. Why don’t you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senselessacts of self-control?
10. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
11. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
12. I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
13. Stress is what you have when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t gone to sleep yet.
14. Back off!! You’re standing on my aura.
15. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
16. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
17. Wait…I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
18. Chaos, panic and disorder…my work here is done.
19. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
20. You look like shit. Is that the style now?
21. Earth is full. Go home.
22. Aw, did I step on your poor little itty bitty ego?
23. I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
24. A hard-on doesn’t count as personal growth.
25. If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.
26. Look in my eyes…do you see one ounce of gives-a-shit.

Please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the
courage to change the things I cannot accept,
and the wisdom to know where
to hide the bodies of the idiots I had to kill today.

Well, I know I’ve been useless at getting
the Cambodia travels put online, but I’m trying slowly. Things
have taken a turn for the interesting at work as my manager
resigned while I was away. She has been one of the best managers
I’ve ever worked with. I would propose that I do know having
worked for a total mixture of them. Some good, some bad, some
amazing and other who have umm oh been fired.

Her impending departure has meant aload of changes within the
managment and most of them I don’t won’t to write about under
this know name. Maybe I should open a different blog somewhere and
write about it. Soap operas have nothing on this. My best way of
describing it is read Dilbert.

My trip was really great. We had good
karma running with us all the time (well almost all, I had some bad
yoghurt which didn’t help the tummy for 1 night, but recovered
fast). We flew via Singapore and had a very long stop over,
fortunately I have a friend who now lives there so we stayed the
night at her place before heading to Phnom Penh for the night. From
there we went directly to Siem Reap by bus to begin Temple viewing.
We stayed in a great hotel called the Golden Banana in there
boutique hotel bit which is 7 really nice apartments all around a
pool! The pool was very important as it was very hot (about 38
degrees). Temples were just amazing and we spent an extra day there
to do the outlying ones which was well worth the time (and one
pulled calf muscle by me!).

From Siem Reap we took a river boat trip
up to Battambang. Our luck was really going well as the rains we
had over the previous days mean the boat could go all the way up
river. Its was an incredible boat trip and gave an amazing insight
into river life. It can be also upsetting as some of these people
live in deep poverty with houses constructed of sticks and plastic
bags. Out luck was really giong well as the Villa we wanted to stay
at had a spare room for us. Its a restored 1930 french villa and
was amazing. (no pool, but we got soaking wet anyway as the monsoon
rain hit and we had no umbrellas). We had booked into a cooking
course to learn Kymer food. Was really fun, going around the market
and cooking up. The have an ingredient call Prahok, which smells
like fermented rotten fish, which is an accurate smell since it is
fermented rotten fish! I didn’t put much into my soup but I do
have to admit once its cooked for a while it tastes great!

We also did a motor bike tour around of
the home industries making things rice paper, and mushrooms. And
took a trip on the famous Bamboo Railway. Our luck was in again as
we got onto the bus to head back to Phnom Penh just as the skies
opened up again. We had a great time there as well nosing around
different thing and just slowing down to relax as we had been up
very very early (like 5am) when going out to view temples. And then
it was over and time to head home, we did well again thou as the
serviced apartment we stayed in were happy for us to stay until
3pm, so we shopped, then lounged by pool, showered and were driven
out to the airport! Flight back was okay, duty free in Changi took
a hinding as we got bored at the fragrence counter!

Wow, what a trip. Back from two weeks in Cambodia travelling around and seeing things again. The trip was via Singapore with a long layover which would have been a issue except my best friend now lives there so had a wonderful tme cathing up with her and breaking into her place at 3am in the morning! opps 

There is something that I write about very rarely, and it many ways thats probably my bigest crime, as they are the ones I should talk about all the time. There were previously many insignificant reasons why this did not happen, and now there is really no excuse.

Well, I’m back now from an amazing two weeks in
Cambodia. It is the second time that I’ve been there and there is so much change
from 7 years ago. I won’t say it was a real eye opener as my eyes have already
been well opened to the life that exists in much of the world in poverty, but it
was a reawakening of a part of me that had gone into hibernation.

The
bus trip from Phnom Penh to Siem Reap was like recall to life. I’ve spent the
last 6 months doing nothing but think about me, cancer and what next. I still
don’t have the answers to what next as cancer does not give you that luxury.
However it did bring me screaming back to world reality and over the two weeks
there life readjusted itself to the real realities that many live in.

I’m still processing the pictures from the trip as I took so many, the
river trip from Siem Reap to Battambang was a total insight to river life and I
would say one of the most incredible river trips you can ever do. I had seen
something similiar in the Mekong Delta, but not for such a long journey as much
of that was by van, not boat. What you see on that river trip is spectacular and
such a slice of life that most won’t even understand it.

More later

I had to return to the hospital (yet) again for the results of testing. I’m not sure how doctors do it, but they always make it sound like there is something they are not telling you, like giving you the good news first leading upto the bad news!

I’ve learnt something really interesting
in the last week or so. Some people really perceive themselves as
being seen by others by what the own. This concept has fascianted
me during this period as I’ve never really come across someone so
totally orientated towards this concept. Thinking back I had friend
and university who thought that way, but back then I never really
processed it properly.

Now looking at the world I guess most of the west is driven by this
having to own more expensive things than the next person. Cars seem
to be the big thing. Interestingly I’m watching a discovery
channel program about car shops that produce cars for people who
what the ‘car’ to be seen in. Its fun watching the program to see
what happens, but the end result leaves me rather dry.

Not that I love a great looking car, and I’vd driven some
wonderful rentals in my time, but they dont’ define me. I don’t
own a car and haven’t for years. The ones I did were second/third
many hands before me.

What expensive toys to I own. Well my Bose headphones and they were
a treat so I could listen to my music and tv programs in hospital
with lovely comfy headphones. (ps they are comfortable and have
great sound).

Next most expensive toys are my computer equipment as I use them/it
all the time for many things, phone, DVD’s radio, and an actual
computer. Then I guess the next thing would be my kitchen ware. odd
huh.

Now ask me what are the most valuable things in my life. Well thats
easy. My photos, and books that I’ve collected from around the
world. My journals of where I have been are ireplaceable. Why
because they define where I’ve been, how what I saw and how I
felt.

I guess at the end of this little revelation I realised I’m not an
asset person, I’m a where/what person. I would rather be defined
by where I been, what I’ve done and how I see the world than any
tangible item that I own. My most precious items are the small
reminders that I have of these things.

If you want to own a Tag Heur watch go for it. I would rather spend
the money and go see Borobudur in Indonesia, it totally timeless so
who really needs a watch.